Posted in life experiences

Where is your Boyfriend?😂😂

Hey FAM 😎 yes yes yes I know I’m very brown but a lot has happened (like a lot😂😂) well I’ll brief you guys on everything… And those expecting the corpus Christi continuation don’t worry it’s still cooking. In the meantime exams are around the corner so this is prolly my last post till the end of the sem. Now this is an exaggerated true story…(just like two balls of Kenkey😂😂😂😂) 



I was extremely fagged out… Well it wasn’t an easy job walking all the way to diaspora and walking back to vandal city.  The most annoying thing was that, I had gone purposefully to discuss business and my business associate’s roommate stood at the door and was like ” Oohh she has a visitor so could you come back later”. (Negress😒 if she wasn’t expecting me would I be there?) Well when I finally entered she didn’t even offer me a seat, so I just stood there, she kept laughing… Like it was stand up comedy(no pun intended) till the end of the meeting.

With the little strength left I managed to climb up to A upper.I could picture my bed all laid like I had left it… With the pillow and bed sheet staring at me saying  “baby… You know how bad you want me… Come get me!!” . right before reaching my room I realised something was seriously off… “Wait is that gospel music coming from Joseph’s room?” Even in my state of fatigue my system still sensed something off was going on. Before I left I met Joseph all shadad and hyped for a drink up… And knowing Joseph the way I knew him this was going to be a night of “tipsiness” and mild ecstasy. The guy was poised for extreme grinding and was most likely to return with a 3rd degree case of blue balls. But here he was about 2 hours later well settled in his room listening to Twi gospel.

I forgot about my lust for my bed and decided to probe a little. Well I entered Joseph’s room and the squad were all there. What surprised me was that, Tonight(we all call him that because his complexion is as dark as the darkest night… But he still ain’t batman…no pun intended) was seriously laughing his blackness of.

I was like “Charley The drink up noh how e go?”. Tonight looked me in the eye and replied with a sly look, “Charley … Deebee drink up ooohh… No show Kraa” I looked at Joseph sarcastically, “ah Joe what do you?”

Well that was how Joe begun his tale(switching to the Joseph perspective😝)

Well like we had told you earlier, we were going for a drink up at Pent, it was Mabena’s birthday.  Dey as you know this girl bost my brains all. I’m tired of perching on so many trees… It is high time I settled with her. So this drinkup was supposed to be the last phase of the movement.  We got there quite early, and just like Tonight said, everyone was busily sitting down using their phones. No grinding… Not even dancing. So Tonight and I just kept our cool. I spoke with Mabena and well things seemed to be going according to plan. So I still stayed cool.

The party kept progressing on a dull note. Soon it was time to cut the cake, after the popular part of the birthday song we’re all very familiar with a not so new line came in right before the cake was cut. “Where is your boyfriend… Where is your boyfriend…🎵🎶🎵🎶 where is your boyfriend…” The crowd kept chanting this line. I felt a chill crawl down my spine… Mabena gently giggled… My heartbeat rapidly increased… Then it rapidly dropped… It begun to skip a few beats… I felt a churning in my stomach… I looked up and saw her looking in my direction. She smiled. I saw her gently raise her hand pointing in my direction… I smiled… This was it. I slowly got up and adjusted my cover shirt and collar. I was about to move forward to receive my queen… Just then a voice came from behind me, “excuse me please”. I shifted to give him way. He walked up to Mabena, and was received with a tight embrace. I stood there in shock… I watched my whole life fall to the ground,shattering to pieces like an empty glass. I felt like Arsenal in the EPL. I felt like Medikal at the VGMAs, I felt the pain in my capillaries and arteries. Next thing I realised I was here on my bed.

(Switching back to the Deydzi perspective😎)

Damn!!!! I couldn’t help laughing…. Herhh… Licking Paaa nie… I looked at the pitiable creature left of Joseph. “So Charley what’s up with the twi gospel”  Tonight replied for him “Charley God’s love never fails😂😂

Well Joseph followed me to church on Sunday.



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Crash-landed…

Hello… How’s 2017 treating you guys? Anyway this is a true life story… It’s an account of an unexplainable event that happened in Senior high school…
Please Note that all speeches made in quotation marks are not plagiarized, but rather very close to what the original characters said during the actual event…( you know I won’t be surprised if during the the teaching of a  certain UGRC,
A certain someone’s name will pop up when students are asked to define plagiarism😁)
Enjoy…

Crash-landed…
“Alright!!!! Everyone should keep quiet and Listen!!!”
The angry voice of the headmaster resounded through the rows of students gathered at the assembly ground.
As usual I stood at the back with my prefect friends…
“this is it he’s got to say something… He can’t just cover this one up and pretend like it never happened.”
Everyone eagerly waited to hear what the headmaster had to say about the incident.
” Okay people… We know that some of you have some things you use for your things…. Please we beg you… We don’t want your trouble, when you are coming to school tie them in a rubber bag and leave them outside the gate… When we vacate you can pick them up… Good day!!!”
The students dismissed and headed back to class…
I couldn’t believe my ears… What in the world is wrong with this man.
After this freaken incident this is all you can say… I had that  “really nigga” look on my face…
“Yo Fred is that all he’s going to say?” I asked the assistant boy’s prefect… “well you saw the incident yourself” he replied me sarcastically, he continued to tell me exactly what I already knew “the culprit claimed if we had caught her a few minutes earlier we would have also caught her other associates who are students here”
It was about 3 months to complete senior high school and yhh I couldn’t wait till I left this evil forest…
I wasn’t a superstitious person but this incident broke all the laws of deductive reasoning and logical explanations…
You know… For a second I began to think about all the crazy high school tales I had heard off…
I remember the lies Oba Yaa told us (I normally don’t open my bracket comments when It’s a serious story but this is a really necessary one… Probably the most important one I’ve ever done since I started blogging… And I know you are all wondering what the incident is… Relax no spoilers you will find out in due time. Ooo and as usual I just realized I opened this bracket and I haven’t actually said what I wanted to say… I’ve been beating around the bush… Or is the bush beating around me? Alright back to the ish… All I want to say is Oba Yaa is a Guy… Yhup, one of my SHS mates… An interesting character… I should give him his own story soon… You might have to go read again the last line right before I opened this bracket… Consider this as a really long annoying commercial break 😅 like the adonko bitters advert)
The talking goat that entered our dormitory after midnight…( that was an interesting scare tale actually… The following night we had Catholics praying in tongues and Moslems praying hail Mary before going to bed)
The stories of Fork man… Ooo and the famous myths about dwarfs being behind the whirlwinds which were very common in Dodowa.
Well this was quite different from all those tall tales…
I was never really superstitious… Of course I believed in the existence of spirits… I just didn’t believe in very physical manifestations in the 21st century…
Not that physical manifestations could not happen… I had seen and witnessed exorcism at SU meetings…
I had seen gang members using charms to crack glass bottles on their heads without getting hurt…
These things were part of school life so they felt almost normal…
But I had never seen anything like this incident…
I remember everything very clearly….
It was around 4AM.
Surprisingly I had woken up early and had managed to take my bath by this time.
As I was heading to the dormitory from the bathhouse, I saw most of the boys running towards the dinning hall….
This was Senior High School…
When everyone is running towards a particular destination at dawn you join them…
So in my boxer shorts and with my bucket in hand and towel around my neck I followed the crowd…
At the dinning hall the was a lot of noise…
I turned around to see one guy frantically shouting… ” Let’s Kill it!!!! Kill it!!!! It’s not a human being”
I saw two house masters and the security guard among the crowd of boys… I pushed through the sea of human beings with the hope of catching a glimpse of who or what was at the center of the crowd…(at this point most of you might be thinking thief… I’m sorry to say this … It was bigger!!!)
I got closer and there before me…
Sitting on the floor with legs opened wide…
Was what looked like a skinny naked old man…
It had very loose, falling,sagging, old woman boobs on it’s chest.
And in between it’s legs…
Where normal people have their sexual organs, was just plain skin…
I stood there with mixed feelings what in blazes was this???
The being looked very fragile and miserable…
I asked around and the same tale was on everyone’s mouth…
The person sitting on the floor, was initially a bird that was short down by the school’s night guard.
Upon hit the ground it shape-shifted and tried to make a run for the boy’s dormitory, but it was caught by the night guard and some of the kitchen staff…
The students were eventually sacked from the dinning hall.
Around 6:30am, the school bus drove off to the Dodowa police station with a delegation of teachers accompanying the Crash-landed African traditional pilot.
I had heard of crashes involving aircrafts, but i never thought it could ever happen with witchcraft…
We got wind from the teachers that, the pilot had come to drop off some of his flight crew in our school…
For weeks everyone was very skeptical and cautious…
We had flyers walking amongst us….

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To those who made us…

Yo my squad😎
Hope everyone is good…
Well today no plenty talk, I here with a new pile of rubbish for you to dig in😆😆😆 I want to give special thanks to my new friend(she knows her self😍) thanks for the publicity you are a real life saver❤ .( the thing is I want to give you shadout and I don’t know if you will be cool if I mention your name😆😆😆)
So this post was inspired by recent events… We’ve started the Senior high school tour, screening the movie “Ananse in the Land of idiots” since the book is a required text for Core English language literature WASSCE paper.
This post is also an addition to the 5pillars series….
(please like joke like joke I seriously need a bag of rice so secret admirers look sharp👌)
enjoy😋

To those who made us

“Before we start, I want one of our guests to speak to us briefly…
He’s an old student of this school, he was the president of the drama troupe just a year ago, he’s a cast in the movie we are about to watch, a spoken word artiste and radio show host and producer by profession, and a second year student at University of Ghana.
Let’s welcome Dodzi Aveh…”

I stood up blushing all over(🙈)
I walked to the front of the gathering and received the microphone from Mr Afrifa…
“hi 🙋 everyone…”
I remember the first day I entered Ghanata senior high school…

I had passed my BECE (surprisingly…😆😆) I had grade 12
Yet the WAEC CSSPS (Wicked Adults Envying Children with a bright future,Computerized System Susuponning People’s Selections of schools)
Refused to place me in a school.
While all my friends were leaving for school, I was still at home, sipping and cribbing…#StillInnaDhatCrib😁
One fateful day, my dad just came home and asked me to pack my stuff we were going to school.
(P.S. I’m not being extra dramatic…😏 this is exactly how it happened.) He refused to tell me anything about the school, the man was going to sell me😆😆😆
So there I sat in the back seat of his wine colored 2003model, Mercedes Benz, in a white long-sleeves cotton shirt with khakhi trousers and brown sandals.
I wasn’t really impressed by the school when I got there, a school that had an Ugly looking gate with no walls, sited at the foot of the Dodowa hills… Well I could work with the hills.
To be frank my senior high school life is one hell of a freaken epic legend… (yhup so lots of crazy stuff happened😆😆)
I entered as a boy and came out as a man…
But today’s tale is not about me…
Nope I’m just telling the story…
This story takes place at a period where I was almost a man.
Let me sum up what Senior high school was like.
School sucked!!!!!
Why? Well…
1. The seniors were Monsters.
2. The washrooms were horrible(No WCs we were using what I liked to call “Hwii tum”😆 cos when you “Hwii” you will hear “tum”.)
3. The food was horrible.( I didn’t see the difference between what I ate and what I “Hwii”ed😆😆)

4. Atsu was a Chooker.( Chooker… Ghanaian English slang for snitch. Word originates from the word Chook:local synonym for stab… Basically you get the picture)
5. Atsu still Chooks.
6. The teachers were very annoying.
7. Students were highly motivated never to study.
8. The grasses in the school were not compassionate.(whenever I tried weeding the grasses refused to cut… They just stood there laughing at me. It was like…
Me: (slashes at the grass) Die!!!
Grass: (ROTFLMAO) Hwerh ne jon🙊)
(The school was really horrible)
9. Fred has a big Head.
One Wednesday afternoon, while I was sitting down in my form one class(1a1c), A senior Entered the class… “Dodzi Aveh… You are wanted by Mr Afrifa.”
Initially I was scared… I didn’t know him then…
Mr Afrifa is a thick tall man with a bushy moustache and a kind face.
Surprisingly my dad was his lecturer back in his University days, so he became my guardian in school.
Mr Afrifa was a Literature and English language teacher and also the patron for the drama troupe.
Most people don’t get why I consider a “Teacher” as a role model,well this man was something else. I learnt some very important life lessons under his tutelage.
1. No matter how high you have been raised always be humble.( he’s the most humble person I’ve ever seen… True talk, a visible personification of Humility.)
2.Be good to everyone, those you meet up are the same once you meet when coming down.(I remember how he was different from other teachers who used to select certain students and just hate on them because they were different… I remember the story he always told us about the bully who seriously maltreated him in high school, and ended up being a candidate in an exam he invigilated.)
3. You can be anyone or anything you want once your priorities are right.
4. There’s no such thing as failure, they are just setbacks.

5. Laugh and smile with your enemies… It kills them roff.( I remember how he ignored all the other teachers who used to gossip and fabricate stories about him.)
This man was a real teacher, a life saver.
I remember my second year in Senior high school… There was this Math teacher (all Ghanata students and old students have issues with him)
Let’s call him Stoneboy.
Well Stoneboy will do anything just to get into the headmaster’s good books. This man was fond of making excellent students his pawns and I wasn’t ready to be one of them.
So one day stoneboy approached me and was like “Hei Dodzi!! You can’t waste your life with Mr Afrifa and his drama troupe… You need to quit these useless things and get serious in life, the man you are following has his degree”(I wished I wasn’t so respectful back then…)
He was literally asking me to stop breathing… To do away with the very essence of my being.
I simply told him I couldn’t…
Since then it was world war 3 till I completed…
Stoneboy was always looking for a way to paint me black… Well I kept supplying him with only white paint.(I can really be troublesome 😈)
I remember one time he had the impudence to tell me that if I failed in life I shouldn’t blame him.
The truth is out of all the students in the core mathematics class he taught, till date I’m the only one who has entered a tertiary institution because my grades in core mathematics didn’t hold me back, So he can suck on my toe nails for all I care.
This is the thing… Not everyone’s portion in life is what is being taught in class… In fact the Ghanaian educational system is so messed up right from pre-school till The tertiary level. It focuses so much on theorized nonsense that is so abstract and gives little or no room to talents and creativity.
We are training people to go and occupy jobs that don’t exist.
Right from the scratch we are made to believe that our God-given talents are useless and have no place in society. We are taught not to think and discover for ourselves… We only absorb and reproduce nonsense.(like sanitary pads😞) This is why we will still have a high rate of unemployment and an ever swelling association of unemployed graduates 🎓 .
The truth of life is to study around your interest and God-given talents so that you enjoy what you do. Next Identify a problem relating to your area of specialization and solve the problem… That’s all!! Employment that!!! We don’t need the government to create jobs for us.
And when you are working with your gifts and doing what you love, work is cool and actually feels like play… Productivity will also be high(kwerh me too of late I come get head ooo🙌😎)
This is what the teacher should know, every individual has a unique gift or special skill which is a unique potential for greatness… And it’s up to them(the teachers) to harness and nurture it.
And that’s what Mr Afrifa stands for.
It was under his auspices that Ehalakasa organized spoken word,poetry and creativity workshops… And it was out of these workshops I discovered my Art…
Mr Afrifa taught me that it was Okay to dream big…
He taught me that it was okay to be creative in a world that disregards creativity…
He made me know that I was bigger than that form2 boy who couldn’t solve a simple math equation…
He made me realize that you are never too young or old to chase your dreams…
He taught me not to be scared to be different…
Now there I stood… Before a crowd of students… Some of them I had shared bathrooms and dormitories with…
Some of them I had eaten with…
Just a year ago.
Now there I stood in front of them as a hero.
Well the real hero has and will continue to be with them.
Mr Afrifa I salute you for your good work…
People might not get it but I’m just an artwork… The real heroes are those who made us…
( a few shadouts to all the different teachers at the different Stages of life who supported my crazy dreams and ideas and encouraged me in different ways… Mr Gyamwodie,Madam Janet and all the others…)
This is just the beginning…
“My dreams are to write rhymes that defy time…”
#Exuent